Life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get...

    This week we bit into the worst chocolate you could imagine. I'm not even sure you could refer to it as chocolate. I can think of another brown item that may have been placed in the box instead of a sweet piece of chocolate. Maybe a giant piece of smelly sh**. I wish I could put it back in the box and grab a different one and start July 12th all over. 

    My dad died suddenly Sunday evening, July 12th. Not only did we lose my dad, but our oldest son Trevor also lost a very close college friend in a tragic accident. It is one thing to lose a 77-year-old man. It is another to lose a 21-year-old, entering into his last year of college and beginning stages of manhood. I thought I would not find the words to write a blog about the passing of my father or Jack. However, all of the outpourings of love and comfort has encouraged me to push forward and continue on. So many people have had massive losses in their lives. The support of other people around us and knowing other people have experienced loss has somehow made this easier. Not that easy should even be used in the same paragraph when referring to lives lost. 

    We all know we will lose our parents, family, and friends eventually. The simple fact is that humans don't live forever. It is the process of not realizing the impact on your life when that person is gone, that takes a toll. Whether it is sudden or a long process the end result is the same, your loved one is gone and you are left dealing with the aftermath. Decisions to be made, loose ends to be tied up, of course, there is always some sort of family drama. And then there is the looming grieving process itself. Even just the word GRIEF is heavy. Meh, no doubt it all sucks. 

    There is never an answer or a good reason that goes along with these tragic losses. Trying to make sense of it will only drive us crazy and take away from the time we have with the important people that still surround us on this Earth plane. We have to look for all of the little signs God provides for us, giving us comfort and knowing our loved one surrounds us, even though they may no longer be physically present. I will share with you two things that happened to us the day Jack and my dad passed. There have been many more since and I'm sure there will be many more to come. I try to hold onto these little signs. However, there is no doubt death brings to the surface much sadness and difficult times. 

    Hopefully, these stories will make you laugh or at least curve your lips up into a little smile. On the morning of July 12th, I applied for the show Survivor. Yup! I have talked about it on and off for years, but the idea of actually submitting the application was a bit daunting. Early that morning I made my video and submitted the application. After submitting my application I sent the news out to my family in our group chat. Trevor had heard the devastating news about Jack and was trying to process how to cope with the devastation of losing his beloved friend when he received my text. Unbeknownst to me at that time Jack was gone or that he was the biggest Survivor Super Fan. Jack, Trevor, and their other close friends would gather together and watch Survivor each week at KU. Not to mention Trev said Jack could name the winners and many players from each season. Trevor was able to find a bit of comfort in the uncanniness that I applied for Survivor the morning he heard the tragic news. Many memories of the good times they shared flooded his mind and in that moment gave him a break from the heavy sorrow he was battling with. I pray that Jack's family is able to find signs of Jack's presence. As well as find comfort knowing the people that knew Jack and of Jack, will keep his memory alive.   

    Later in the evening on July 12th, after my mom, my brother Kevin, and I said our goodbyes to my dad, we gathered at my house with all of our children and Todd. None of us speaking, not knowing the words to say. Each one of us processing the loss and sorting through the magnitude of what had just happened. When out of nowhere I noticed my nephew's shirt...Motley Crew...and peace came over me.  My dad was with us. Any time a large group of the grandkids was together my dad would always say, "Here they are, the motley crew!" I could not tell you what anyone else was wearing that night, not even myself. It is these moments that bring us peace and allow us to let go and say goodbye...for now. We are all grateful for the signs and gifts my dad leaves us with, knowing he is eternally here to help us through this difficult time. 

    Grief presents itself with a range of emotions, sadness, sorrow, anger; at times, peace; in the memories, comfort; with the support given by others, and laughter; when you least expect it but need it the most. I am forever grateful to Todd and my kids for the love and support they have given during this time. I pray I have returned that love and support to them thru this time. The outpouring of love and comfort from extended family and friends has surrounded me like a blanket of warmth and peace. I pray anyone who has gone through this and will go through this can find the little rays of light that help get you through each moment. Remembering even when you pick out the shittiest (according to my mom that's not a swear word, so I decided to let it go) piece of chocolate, there is always another one that will cleanse your pallet and remove the bad taste of the previous one. All you have to do is pick it up and try the next one, or the next one. Eventually, you will find one that is pleasing, you just have to keep trying.

I leave you today with this prayer...

    Dear God, I cry for those of us left behind, for the lonely ones with hallows in our hearts. I ask you to comfort us, give us peace, restore our hope, and lavish us with love, family, and belonging. In the depths of loss, meet us with Yourself.

I cry for the legacy this loved one leaves in death, for the ways of the world have been made different by their presence, for the memories that become both more beautiful and painful on this side of death. And I pray that the work You have accomplished in this remarkable life will grow deeper, wider, and stronger in the days to come, uninhibited by a weak opponent like death.

                                                                                        --Gregory Cole